Nikki is the Creator of The Belle Method and The Bump Method Inc. She fuses Pilates with Pelvic Health, supporting everyone in feeling confident and strong throughout pregnancy, birth, postpartum and beyond.
Why do you feel your work is important? Women's health has been largely neglected in many spheres, and now we're kind of behind in terms of research and how we treat women throughout pregnancy and postpartum. The more we educate women, the more they can advocate for what makes the most sense for them.
After giving birth, so many issues are explained away as just being “part of motherhood.” Women think, “I'll just suck it up.” And, unfortunately, when women have issues with incontinence, pain, or their pelvic floor there aren’t many people saying, “Yeah, this is common, but you don't have to live with it.” I'm very passionate about spreading the word because I think women internalize a lot of shame about issues with fertility, miscarriages, and complications with pregnancy when so often they’ve done nothing wrong.
How did you get started doing this? I was a dancer. I injured my knee, found pilates, rehabbed it, and it was life changing. After that, I started working out of a physiotherapy clinic. In my mid-twenties, I felt I had no business teaching pilates to firefighters with herniated discs, and 65-year-olds with osteoporosis, and a teen with scoliosis and a rod in her back. But those were my clients. And so, I studied hard before each session and asked the physios, chiropractors, and massage therapists what I could do with each person. I learned so much from them early on.
Then, I started to make group classes. I was really able to fuse my dance background with my injuries and special populations background, which helped me create a class that would be a fun, energizing, accessible workout.
I started getting a lot more pregnant women coming, and I thought: “Ooh, you guys need your own thing.” So, I started classes for pregnancy and postpartum.
"I think if we really focus on empathy, community, and support, there's nothing we can't accomplish."
What’s something you wish someone talked to you more about when you were younger?Pelvic health. When I was starting out, 70% of women in my postpartum class were joking about having bladder problems. I had no kids then. I was still in my twenties and I thought, “I need to learn more about this. I don't think this is the way it's supposed to be.” Then, after having my own kids in my thirties, my interest in pelvic health sort of just grew and grew. So, I'm not going to stop talking about it.
I also really believe in community over competition. And I think that’s something we really need to teach our young girls about. There's this societal myth that women are catty and cruel to each other, and I really have found the opposite to be true. I think if we really focus on empathy, community, and support, there's nothing we can't accomplish.
Can you share one of the hardest things to overcome in your work? I spend a lot of time convincing my students that it's never too late to improve their pelvic health. A lot of people think that peeing their pants, or having symptoms of heaviness, or having bad diastasis means it's over for them. But I have students in their 60s who are improving their quality of life, improving their pelvic health, and just feeling better in their own bodies.
After pregnancy there's a lot of trying to slim down, lose weight, and take up less space to fit a certain aesthetic. I like to come from a place of function. Let’s just work to help our bodies function well. Let’s come from a place of gratitude, especially if you've carried a pregnancy, for everything our bodies have been through and helped us through.
"Let’s come from a place of gratitude, especially if you've carried a pregnancy, for everything our bodies have been through and helped us through."
How are taboo topics about women's bodies, women's health, pregnancy and postpartum sex holding women back?Let's talk about postpartum sex. We are often cleared at six weeks to say we can resume all normal activities, including penetrative intercourse, and some women internalize that as pressure. It’s like “You’ve got to go do this.” And we're not really given any guidance. We're told the advice: “Just use some lube, be on top, have some wine,” and it's like a joke. But a lot of women experience pain, and then they think there's something wrong with them. But they haven't really gotten help. They haven't seen a physiotherapist, or learned about their pelvic floor. This can create a neurological feedback loop where your brain starts to anticipate pain. You can get issues with vaginismus. Or issues with chronic pain during sex. And this is terrible because, again, there's shame. Sometimes your closest girlfriends won’t even talk about this.
Let's talk about the lack of aftercare that women get after major abdominal surgery, like cesarean birth. When you have a cesarean birth they cut through seven layers of tissue. It's a major abdominal surgery, and then they’re like, “You're good. Go for a walk and go home. Take some Advil.” I've had heart surgery myself—it was a catheter ablation, which is a day surgery. It was nothing compared to birth, and yet I got more after care than I did with birth.
"Let's talk about postpartum sex. We're told the advice of just use some lube, be on top, have some wine, and it's like a joke."
What do we all stand to gain by connecting women to their power and inner strength?I honestly believe that women can change the world. Period. Self love can be challenging, especially if you look at your body and you don't recognize yourself, which is unfortunately common. I hope that we can come to this place of gratitude for everything we've been through and then trust that it's never too late to develop the belief that our bodies are stronger than we think. If we can work from a place of self love, I think we can make a lot of headway.
What do you hope people walk away with after working with you? Birth can either be one of the most empowering or traumatizing experiences of your life. And how we are treated, how we are respected, validated, spoken to—everything makes such a huge difference. I get a lot of women in our classes who have had prior traumatic experiences. And it's the most amazing feeling when I hear of a positive birth after that trauma. When I hear women saying things like: “I was able to do it my way” or “I'm not peeing my pants anymore” or “I didn't tear this time and I feel like a million dollars” or “You've given me a feeling of confidence about my body that I thought I had lost”—I get shivers every time.
Writing: Carter Selinger
Natalie Spooner knows how to pump herself up. Whether it's telling herself she’s unstoppable or pumping breast milk for her baby in between periods of a professional hockey game, there doesn’t seem to be anything that can slow her down. It’s that kind of energy that makes her such a force on and off the ice and an integral part of helping get the PWHL to where it is now. Let’s get to know her.
Has hockey helped you affirm or realize any aspects of your identity or personality?
I started playing hockey at four years old so it's always been a part of my life, and it’s taught me a lot about hard work, perseverance, and dedication. I don't think I would be the person I am without this sport. A lot of my personality has probably come from the energy I get from the teammates I’ve always been surrounded by. The best thing about being on a team is how much fun you have with your teammates. I think that has played a big role in shaping who I am.
I started playing hockey at four years old so it's always been a part of my life, and it’s taught me a lot about hard work, perseverance, and dedication.
Why do you think it's important for women and girls to stay in sports?
Teamwork, dedication, hard work, and time management—there are so many skills you learn through sports that I think everyone uses in their daily lives. It's so important for girls to have those experiences. For me, sports were always a great release. I’ve always felt free on the ice and just had so much fun playing. There's a lot of stress in the world, so why not go out, play a game, and have a lot of fun?
Do you have any advice for young girls that are playing sports?
Believe in yourself. I think that that's the main thing. If I could go back, I would tell my little self to believe in myself and to know that you can achieve your dreams.
The other thing is that sports should be about having fun. I still remind myself every day to go back to thinking like that little girl who had so much fun playing hockey. That's what it's all about. So as long as you love what you're doing and having fun, it doesn’t feel like work. It's just fun.
What do you think the development of the PWHL means for young women and hockey in general?
It means a lot. Not only are we able to have a career playing hockey, but all of those little girls who watch us get to have the dream of playing professional women's hockey, just like any little boy would have.
Is there anything that you wish non-athletes realized about professional women's hockey?
I wish people knew more about all the amazing ladies that I get to play with and against. Before we had this professional league, there were ladies from all different walks of life: teachers, chiropractors, firefighters, police officers. Some women had full-time jobs and they would come and play hockey at night and be on the road all weekend.
This is the first year we’ve had a professional women's hockey league and we're able to make it into a career and have a salary. A lot of the ladies don't have to have side jobs or other careers now, and I think that’s amazing. It's going to help take women's hockey to the next level because everyone can focus on hockey and not have to worry about where their next paycheck is coming from.
This is the first year we’ve had a professional women's hockey league and we're able to make it into a career and have a salary.
What was your involvement in getting the PWHL started?
So in 2019, the CWL folded and we decided to come together, all the female hockey players, to create the PWHPA Players Association, and we ended up going on a Dream Gap tour. We played all across North America in all different rinks, and it was a great way to show there was a market for women's hockey.
From there we were lucky enough to get icons like Billie Jean King behind us. She’s one of the main people giving money. I don't think we could have gotten to where we are now without people like Billie Jean, Stan Kasten of the LA Dodgers, and Dana Halford. All of them really believed in the vision and we're just so lucky for their support.
What it was like to become a mother as a professional athlete?
It takes quite a bit of planning to start a family and then come back to sport. I had to time my pregnancy. So after the 2022 Beijing Olympics, we wanted to start a family, but I had set a goal I wanted to be back playing in the next world championships. Luckily, I got pregnant right away, and it all kind of went smoothly and I was able to achieve that goal. But it also meant that while I was playing hockey, I was still breastfeeding.
So you were playing at this high level while you were still breastfeeding? Can you tell us about that?
It was definitely a challenge. The time commitment that breastfeeding takes was one of the things that surprised me most about being a mom. I was able to bring him with me to most of the places I went because my mom would come along, too. But being away from him for games and practices, I had to get really good at being able to pump in the locker room or between periods. I had some pretty discrete pumps that I could just slip on in the locker room with the girls. I thought it was super funny when my teammates would look over and I’d be there pumping, and then either sending milk up or putting it in the fridge for after the game.
When you're a high-performance athlete, you're trying to power through and so forth. Maintaining your milk and making sure you're drinking enough and eating enough was a struggle. During the world championships, we were in some pretty intense games. So that was hard, but I was able to make it through.
Being away from [my son] for games and practices, I had to get really good at being able to pump in the locker room or between periods.
You were back playing hockey four months after you gave birth. What are some of the things that you didn't anticipate would impact your career as a professional athlete?
I came back four months postpartum to play my first hockey game in the PWHPA to give myself a chance to get ready for the World Championships, which were around the five-month mark. There were so many unknowns going into pregnancy and training afterwards. I don't think I realized how much my body changed because it happened so slowly.
I came back four months postpartum to play my first hockey game in the PWHPA to give myself a chance to get ready for the World Championships.
You kept skating until you were 36 weeks pregnant—what was that like?
I just loved getting out on the ice and I think the rink was where I felt the most normal, before and after giving birth. It felt like some type of normalcy to go out there and get back to being with my teammates. Life as a new mom can be quite isolating, so to have my teammates around me again was really freeing and so much fun. It made me feel like myself again.
How did you deal with the hunger, exhaustion, and sleep deprivation that pregnancy can cause?
So I found when I was breastfeeding, I was definitely eating way more every time I woke up in the night to feed. I also drank excessive amounts of water. Even when I was pregnant, I was so thirsty. I don't think I've felt that type of thirst before, but I just had to make sure I was eating whenever I was hungry and fueling my body.
Is there anything else you want to share about your experience becoming a mom and having a career as a professional athlete? Were there any emotional impacts or unexpected challenges?
When I became a mom, I did feel my priorities shift. Before, my whole life was built around hockey. And I would say I was a very selfish person in a sense. I was so committed to my training and that was really all that mattered. And then I had this baby that needed me and that I had to care for.
When I would have to go away for games and bring him with me, my mom would come, but I still felt this sense of guilt when I was leaving him to go on the ice. At the same time, I knew this was what I needed.
So there was some learning to do there and some new balances to find between my love for hockey and my love for my baby. My baby takes priority, but I was able to find a pretty good balance between being a mom and coming back to play the sport I love.
If you’re having a challenging time or need a confidence boost or something like that, are there any things you say to yourself?
I tell myself to be unstoppable, and I just picture myself being so dominant. I literally just tell myself “Be unstoppable.”
We noticed you like to play in your Sparkle Balls™ and other H&B jewelry. Why do you find yourself drawn to it?
I remember when I got my first pair of Sparkle Balls™, I just loved the way I felt in them. It’s the same way now with my pearl Sparkle Balls™—I just feel really good whenever I wear them. They're my go-to's, and I have to wear the biggest ones.
I remember when I got my first pair of Sparkle Balls™️, I just loved the way I felt in them.
Do you have any advice for women in general?
My advice for women would be to chase your dreams. No matter what. I can't say it's going to be easy. It's probably going to be difficult and there's going to be lots of twists and turns. But in the end, it's definitely worth it. You'll remember the journey more than the destination.
Chase your dreams. No matter what.
By: Carter Selinger
Shaughnessy Otsuji is a cosmetic and restorative tattoo artist. She’s the owner of Studio Sushiko, which has locations in Langley, BC, and Los Angeles, California. Her passion lies in restoring confidence, taking an inclusionary approach to her work. She helps people reclaim aspects of their physical appearance while collaborating with them to realize their truest inner beauty.
Why do you feel like your work is important? It's transformative, it's restorative. It brings confidence to every single person that I tattoo. It's restoring a feature that a person has lost. It's really impactful.
"The emotional aspect of my work can be difficult. I think a lot of people get into this career because it's rewarding. And it is. It's amazing to be able to offer this to people, but not everyone realizes how heavy it can be..."
How did you get started doing this?I’ve been a cosmetic tattoo artist for over a decade. I started off brow tattooing, and got a lot of clients who were going through chemotherapy and losing their brow hair. I have an aunt who had a double mastectomy, and she was my inspiration for getting into nipple tattooing. She had a preventative double mastectomy, and she was the one who told me that I should start offering nipple tattoos. The more I learned about what she had gone through, the more I became convinced that this was an amazing thing that needed to be offered. So she kind of pushed me in that direction. Now, I finally get to tattoo her in, like, two weeks. I'm so excited!
Can you share one of the hardest things to overcome in your work? The emotional aspect of my work can be difficult. I think a lot of people get into this career because it's rewarding. And it is. It's amazing to be able to offer this to people, but not everyone realizes how heavy it can be going into these appointments and hearing everyone's story. I've definitely learned a ton about different types of surgeries and different scarring and mastectomies, and radiation. You have to take that on. As amazing as everyone’s story is, it's heavy. Half the time I don't even realize it until the end and I'm like, wow, I just learned so much about this person.
How are taboo topics about women's bodies, women's health, pregnancy and postpartum sex holding women back? Social media still censors a lot of the work I do. I’ll spend a good two to three hours sometimes editing a video. I’ll make sure the transitions are perfect and everything lines up with the music. Then, I’ll finally post it, and within like 20 minutes it'll get flagged and deleted. That’s frustrating. I get a community guidelines violation, and it gets removed for “nudity” or “sexual activity.” It's really frustrating because I want to show people what's available for them. But Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook will delete my posts right away. I guess I'm flattered that it looks realistic and people are falling for it, but it should be allowed. It's a tattoo of a nipple. It's not even a real nipple, but what's the big deal with nipples anyway? Everyone has them.
"It's a tattoo of a nipple. It's not even a real nipple, but what's the big deal with nipples anyways? Everyone has them.”
But as far as reconstruction goes, and as far as tattooing goes, I do have a lot of clients who go through the process and don't know what's available to them. It's great when they end up doing their research and find me and find out that there is a natural-looking option. Sometimes people will bring me a photo of what they used to look like for reference, but oftentimes they have a blank canvas so they can choose their ideal nipple type, which might even be a heart shape, which is really fun. And I like to add as many details as possible. Strategic shadows and highlights, little bumps and wrinkles—all those little details that may be perceived as flaws end up making it look so much more natural and realistic.
What do we all stand to gain by connecting women to their power and inner strength? I feel like when women come together in a community, they're able to share so much knowledge between each other and go through things together. That’s so helpful when you're dealing with something as intense as breast cancer and reconstruction.
"I feel like when women come together in a community, they're able to share so much knowledge between each other and go through things together."
What do you hope people walk away with after working with you? I hope that my clients walk away with the most confidence that they've ever had, and oftentimes I see it in their face, which is amazing. Once they leave my studio, it's like a weight is lifted off their shoulders. They can look in the mirror and not see scars anymore. They don't see this memory of cancer anymore. They just see what they used to look like.
Writing: Carter Selinger
The release of Birthday Cake Sparkle inspired us to talk to someone who knows their way around a beautiful dessert. Enter Venessa Liang, a pharmacist and dessert creator who appeared on The Food Network’s Great Chocolate Showdown. We talked to Venessa about the importance of family, culture, community, and balance in her life. This is one of our sweetest profiles yet. You’re going to want to get to know her.
What inspired you to have a blended career as a pharmacist and also a dessert creator?
It sort of just happened that way! I never planned to become a pharmacist when I was younger and I definitely never envisioned creating cakes and chocolate the way I do now. Although, I must say, I’ve truly found two amazing passions that I can’t live without. I would never give one up for the other because I want my cake and to eat it too!How long does it take you to create a cake?
This one definitely depends on what kind of cake I am making but in a simple answer - it takes days!! From creating fillings, buttercream and cakes to designing and decorating - it is a serious juggle to finish everything in a timely manner AFTER working a 40 hour week.
How do you balance all the aspects of your life; your two careers, your family, and your social life?
There’s a reason why my husband calls me HURRICANE VENESSA. I don’t think I’m that perfect overachiever that has everything balanced. If anything, I’ve learned that trying to do everything, accomplish everything and be happy with everything is NOT sustainable long term. It can take a strain on both your physical and mental health and then permanently break that “balance” we’re all trying to achieve. Lately, I’ve tried to focus on being content with “smaller” goals within each pillar that is important to me. So instead of trying to attain perfection in every aspect of my life (which yes, I can’t believe I’ve tried to do this for so long), I focus on being proud of the small wins! Putting less pressure on myself to reach my own expectations is a huge part of being content with where I am in all the aspects of my life.
“Putting less pressure on myself to reach my own expectations is a huge part of being content with where I am in all the aspects of my life.”
We love how much you feature your family on your Instagram! Why are weekly family dinners so important to you?
Our Chinese culture’s love language is and has always been food! While saying “I love you” and showing emotion to each other as a family was NOT a norm in our day to day, dinner together was always a must. No matter what happened, we always sat down to eat together at the end of the day. Now that we are separated into different towns and cities, we set aside our Mondays once a week to spend that quality time together. Many people may think we put too much effort into our food life but enjoying scrumptious Chinese food is something that we all relate to and enjoy immensely. Furthermore, sharing my culture and our food with society was never something that I did - for fear of judgement and frankly, racism. Since it’s 2022, I believe that there is no room for discrimination and no one should feel embarrassed by what they are eating - especially when what we’re eating is SO DELICIOUS! I find joy in sharing and providing education about my culture, and I hope to inspire others to be more open and adventurous when they think of Asian cuisine.
Tell us about a woman who has inspired you, or does inspire you?
One of my greatest inspirations is my grandma! Or, “a poa” as we call her. She is one of the strongest women I know and has been a constant throughout my life. While she may be tiny and adorable, she brings forth an energy so strong that she is a force to be reckoned with. She reminds me that any problems I come to face in my day to day are nothing compared to what she has gone through to make it to today. If grandma can do it, I can do it too.If you could choose one word to describe yourself, what would you choose and why?
Extravagant. Life is too short to choose the safe and boring option.
“Life is too short to choose the safe and boring option.”
You appeared on The Food Network’s Great Chocolate Showdown. Can you tell us how this came about and what the experience was like on the show?
This one definitely happened out of the blue! You wouldn’t believe it but a casting director messaged me on Instagram and the rest is basically history! The experience was definitely unlike anything I have ever done. It was exhausting, thrilling, fun and debilitating all at the same time. I made great, life long baker friends and I learned SO much about chocolate that put me onto the path I am on today.
Do you have any tips for staying calm while under pressure?
Deep breaths and ramen noodles.What advice do you have for anyone who is an amateur baker who wants to take their baking to the next level?
1. Practice, practice, practice! Accept that failure is a reality and learn from those mistakes to make yourself better at your craft. I definitely did not become who I am overnight and I have my fair share of failures under my belt too! Was I upset about them at the time? Yes. Am I better at what I do now because of it? Absolutely.
2. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box! The “next level” may seem unattainable at the time but sometimes, it just takes a leap outside of your comfort zone to really up your game.
“Accept that failure is a reality and learn from those mistakes to make yourself better at your craft.”
If you were a Sparkle colour, what colour would you be?
Gold! For too long, I hated on anything resembling yellow or gold because it attached me to my race as a Chinese person. Today, I am proud to represent my culture and my ethnicity as I am. I want to be able to show younger generations of myself that our culture is beautiful and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s bold, beautiful and “worth its weight in gold”
“I want to be able to show younger generations of myself that our culture is beautiful and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.”
"I want to share my story in hopes that it might encourage women to go see their doctors or to request an early pap. It’s easy to hold difficult experiences close, put them behind you and try to move on, but I’ve found sharing my story to be a cathartic experience. And I just hope that it can make a difference for another woman out there."
In January of 2020, Rachel Mielke received a cervical cancer diagnosis, which set her on an onerous personal journey toward recovery during a year of global suffering. During this trying year she was able to find respite in simple things like deep breathing, journaling, and juicing. Family, support networks, and second opinions were also instrumental in guiding her through some incredibly difficult decisions.
“Things in life happen for you. They don’t happen to you.” Rachel often circles back to this quote when talking about her diagnosis, and it’s easy to see why she values this perspective of things “happening for you.” After all, this journey brought her closer to her advocacy work, helped her re-evaluate her work-life balance, prioritize her health, and make the big decision to move her family to Victoria. This experience gave her a sense of urgency and clarity about the changes she wanted to make in her life, and she executed those changes in a way that proves that times of great difficulty can also be times of great opportunity.
What was your initial reaction to the news? Is there anything you’d want to impart to someone who is going through that process of receiving a diagnosis?
So there are a couple steps before you get to a cervical cancer diagnosis. First you have an abnormal pap, and then you see a gynecologist and have a biopsy done. So, obviously, there were indications that cancer was a possibility. Still, it came as quite a shock because throughout those steps, I was constantly being reassured because it was my first abnormal pap. After I got the news about the abnormal pap, I talked to so many women who’d gone through the same thing, and I’d learned that an abnormal pap can mean many different things; it doesn’t necessarily mean cancer. I was also reassured by the fact that it took almost 8 months for me to get a biopsy. I thought, “Well, gosh, they wouldn’t let this much time pass if it was something really serious.” In hindsight, I think I would’ve been a bit pushier and tried to get things moved along quicker.
When I did get the cancer diagnosis last January, one thing I wish I would’ve done is taken someone with me to the doctor because receiving that news alone was really difficult. I wish I hadn’t driven away from that doctor’s office by myself. I was in such a challenging head space. So, for every subsequent appointment, I took a notebook and my husband because I found the appointments so emotionally intense. It was hard for me to rationally receive information. I had to write everything down and then discuss the appointment afterwards with my husband when I was able to better process the information.
What kind of treatment did you receive? What stage of cancer was it?
Fortunately it was caught very early, but when I was first diagnosed there was a period of time (several weeks) where we had no idea how bad it was. I had started going to the doctor because I’d been feeling unwell for almost a year. So when this diagnosis came up, I immediately went to the worst case scenario. Those first few weeks were really challenging. When you have cervical cancer, step one is an in-person exam where they see if they can feel or see anything. The doctor didn’t see or feel anything so she thought it was early, but the diagnosis is not definitive until you have a hysterectomy. I had to wait about six weeks in between diagnosis and surgery. Six weeks without a definitive stage diagnosis. That was really hard.
The next step is an examination by your oncologist. The oncologist does a procedure called a LEEP where they take about half of your cervix. It’s a quick little procedure that you’re fully awake for, and my doctor hoped that since it was at an early stage, they’d remove the cancer with the LEEP. Unfortunately, after the procedure, there were some differing opinions among the pathologists in Regina about whether they’d gotten it all and they decided to send the LEEP results for a second opinion. When the second opinion came back, they found they hadn’t gotten all of the cancer. That was obviously more scary news because there’s just so much you don’t know. The next step was a hysterectomy. My doctors gave me an option: “Do you want to keep your ovaries, or do you want us to take them?” My initial reaction was “take it all.” But, honestly I had great advice from a family member who is a physician, and one of my friends (a gynecological pathologist) who was able to send me a lot of information and say, “New information has come out, Rachel. There is a very small chance that this has invaded your ovaries at this stage, and there are more risks of taking your ovaries.” So that was a big decision to take or leave my ovaries. My surgeon seemed more on the side of taking it all out. And of course you want to take your surgeon’s guidance, but because we had that second opinion, I had the time to make the decision to keep my ovaries. That’s a big deal, especially for bone and heart health. So again, I feel fortunate to have had those conversations and perspectives. The pathologists disagreeing on my report and sending it for a second opinion meant my surgery was delayed a month. That month gave us the time and information I needed to make an educated decision about whether or not to keep my ovaries. Throughout my experience I learned you really have to challenge the process and ask questions and get perspectives from other medical professionals. Don't take your diagnosis, prognosis or treatment at face value without asking a lot of questions and seeking a second opinion. Every patient has the right to ask for a second opinion whether your doctors think you need one or not.
"If there is one message I’d really like to stress, it’s that every woman needs a pap and young men and women should be getting the HPV vaccine."
Pap tests are awkward at best. For some, they’re quite scary. Is there anything you’ve learned that has helped make them less daunting?
My experience with paps is that I’ve always had them regularly. My perspective is, “If I’d been born a hundred years ago this technology wouldn’t be available.” We’re so lucky to have these tests! So as inconvenient or uncomfortable as a pap may be, it’s just such a small price to pay compared to what you go through with cancer. And that’s what a pap is for, it’s to detect it early, and if you can catch it early you can treat it so easily and prevent invasive, devastating other treatments that you’ll need if a cancer does progress.
One thing I found out was in Saskatchewan there is only a 52% uptake in the pap program, which means a lot of women are opting out of getting a pap, which is very worrisome. [Check your provincial guidelines for screening procedures.] The stories of women who have been diagnosed with advanced-stage cervical cancer are just so heartbreaking and unnecessary. If there is one message I’d really like to stress, it’s that every woman needs a pap and young men and women should be getting the HPV vaccine.
Is there anything that you discovered along the way that helped you get through these procedures? Maybe things that helped your mindset, or approach, or forms of self-care before and after the procedure that you found helpful?
I’d been working with a business coach for several years before I was diagnosed and so having that resource was certainly helpful. Had I not had him, I would’ve reached out to a counsellor or psychologist. The day I received the diagnosis, Keith, my coach, actually encouraged me to go through an exercise of journaling my thoughts and feelings out onto the paper and facing a worst-case scenario. He thought it was important that I go to that point mentally and emotionally in the first days of my diagnosis so that regardless of the outcome—I was mentally prepared. That was an incredibly challenging exercise. I actually burnt that journal after the cancer was gone as a celebration of that chapter coming to a close.
I’d also say that journaling every day was one of the most powerful tools I came across. It took the worst thoughts and anxiety I had over my diagnosis and the impending surgeries and gave me a safe place to put those thoughts. Obviously the support of my family and friends and professionals and getting as much information as I could was vital. But, for the emotional side, journaling and the Wim Hof breathing technique was very helpful when the anxiety was so overwhelming. There were times when I was in such an intense emotional state and my husband would suggest, “Let’s do Wim Hof breathing.” And that would bring me out of that state quickly. It was also important to connect with as many people as possible who had positive stories related to cancer. Just knowing that these women were out there was really helpful in those first few weeks.
After a diagnosis, you just experience this overwhelming lack of control. For me, as a CEO, I’ve spent my life feeling in control of my destiny. Experiencing this utter loss of control was especially challenging. One thing that I could focus on doing was juicing (laughs). Juicing helped my mental state—just the process of getting those fresh organic vegetables and chopping them and juicing them, and then chugging that terrible stuff back—it helped get me through the months after my diagnosis. And I do think it helped my body get stronger.
"The diagnosis forced me to step back and ask myself difficult questions and make changes in my life, and for that I’m in a better place."
What would you say to a person who is nervous about getting tested?
The provincial guidelines for Saskatchewan are if you’ve had consecutive normal pap tests you don’t require a test for another 3 years, and those are the guidelines that I was following. You can still develop cancer in that three-year window. If you don’t feel well, don’t just say, “Oh the guidelines say to get tested every three years. I’ll wait until then.” No, go sooner! Don’t wait. Nobody is going to advocate for you. You have to get tested and ask questions, challenge what they tell you, and get a second opinion. If you feel like something is off, go sooner. You don’t need to wait three years if you aren’t feeling well. Especially now, with the pandemic it’s so easy to say: “I don’t want to go because of Covid,” and put it off and I’d just like to encourage women not to do that.
For many women cervical cancer treatment affects certain biological processes that are synonymous with femininity. Some of the surgery and radiation therapy can trigger menopause, or eliminate your chances of getting pregnant. In what ways do you think femininity and womanhood transcend these more traditional, biological associations?
I want to make this very clear that these are my own personal feelings about my journey because views on masculinity and femininity are so individual. But if there is anything that this journey taught me it’s that there is so much more to masculinity and femininity than the biological. I believe that men and women both possess a feminine side and a masculine side. I had to have a hysterectomy, but I’d had children already so I didn’t find that the operation had a big impact on how I felt about myself. When you come to this potentially life-threatening diagnosis—and this realization that there are these parts that you might have to sacrifice in order to move forward, for me, the parts became less important. They became something I had to say goodbye to, but it didn't change how I felt about my femininity. But, if this had happened earlier in my life, and I’d lost the chance to have children, I think that would be challenging.
"The journey of life is to feel this wide range of emotions—we allow ourselves to feel them, and we can come to each other for support."
I know women’s advocacy is a big part of your life—within and outside of H&B. How has your diagnosis affected your work in that area?
I’m the co-chair of Women Leading Philanthropy, an organization that funds transformative healthcare initiatives led by female physicians. This past year one of the funded projects focussed on physiologic mechanisms underlying ovarian follicular waves during the menstrual cycle. One side of it was menopause, but the other side was helping women who have had a cervical cancer diagnosis begin to harvest their eggs almost immediately as opposed to delaying their cancer treatments while waiting for the next egg release cycle.
So my passion for this work—I mean, I was passionate before—but now I’m so passionate because when a woman who is of childbearing age has a cervical cancer diagnosis, quite often that could mean she won’t be able to have kids. It’s different for everyone but that is a risk potentially. Of course as women, our femininity transcends our ability to bear children but what is so important to me is that women have the ability to have choices.
You mentioned that everyone has a masculine and feminine side. Did you find yourself more in touch with either side throughout this journey?
Yes. Someone once told me that things in life happen for you, they don’t happen to you; that can sometimes be a difficult perspective to accept when you’re going through something like cancer. But, after looking back, I see that what I went through gave me the opportunity to be vulnerable and, honestly, I had to be vulnerable to survive it emotionally because it felt so crushing at times. I had to be willing to talk about it and open up to people. I needed to cry a lot. Those are all things I don’t normally find myself doing, but they were powerful healing tools and human connection requirements. When I look at who I am today versus who I was a year ago, I feel like I’m much more in touch with my feminine side and really thankful to be on this journey to embrace both sides fully and without judgement.
If I need to cry, I just do that and I’m not afraid to show that side of myself to my children. So when they see Mommy cry they know it’s normal and it's ok. We’ve normalized that behaviour. The journey of life is to feel this wide range of emotions—we allow ourselves to feel them, and we can come to each other for support.
How does a diagnosis like this affect your life and work? Your family?
When you look at an experience like this as something “that happens for you” then you’re kind of given a blank slate. I wanted to take the time after my diagnosis to step back and re-evaluate every aspect of my life—my work, where we lived, and time spent with my children, husband and extended family.
After re-evaluating, I decided to embark on a series of changes. We made the decision to move to Victoria to be closer to several members of our family. I challenged myself to step back from my work a little bit and find more time to spend with my husband and my children. My health has become my number one priority and that change has been a lot of fun. I have all of these passions that I never knew I had. I found out that I love mountain biking! I can’t wait to go out on the weekend and bike around a mountain, mud and all. It’s fun, challenging and empowering! It has helped me gain back confidence that I lost going through this journey. Before, I might have thought, “Oh it's a bit frivolous to take three hours to go mountain biking,” but now I realize that time makes me a better mom, wife, and CEO. Prioritizing my health has set a good example for everyone. It’s important for my mental and physical health and it’s been super empowering to give myself permission to make that a priority in my life. There’s been a remarkable change in how I feel. I haven’t had this much energy since having kids (chuckling).
It’s often said that we learn the most in times of great struggle. Do you feel like this journey has given you some wisdom? Or a valuable new perspective on life?
Without a doubt. As challenging as going through this was—and it pretty much went from one crisis to another with cancer in January, and then surgery in February, and then Covid in March—I sort of thought, “Oh my gosh, how much more can I handle?” But again all of those things were open doors for our family to re-evaluate where and how we were living. The most important thing throughout this has been the chance to refocus. I do think that there was a tremendous amount of learning that came out of this whole experience. I feel grateful for where I am today versus where I was 12 months ago. The diagnosis forced me to step back and ask myself difficult questions and make changes in my life, and for that I’m in a better place.
I’m also extremely thankful that my cancer was found early, and that I didn’t require any cancer treatment after my hysterectomy. So many women are not so lucky; their journeys will look very different from mine. But knowing that early detection is so critical to a positive outcome, I want to share my story in hopes that it might encourage women to go see their doctors or to request an early pap. It’s easy to hold difficult experiences close, put them behind you and try to move on, but I’ve found sharing my story to be a cathartic experience. And I just hope that it can make a difference for another woman out there.
If you’re looking for access to healthcare support, including pap testing, please follow the links below for cervical cancer screening information by province. If you’d like to help improve visibility, awareness, and availability surrounding pap testing and the HPV vaccine, consider donating to organizations like Planned Parenthood or The Federation of Medical Women in Canada.
Saskatchewan
Manitoba
Alberta
British Columbia
"I believe feeling good in your own skin starts with self love. Self love can be really hard sometimes, but I truly believe that practicing being kind to yourself, and seeking out resources can help everyone become better at owning who we are."
It's an earring party, and you're invited. Influenced by the lives and styles of women we admire, The Look was created to celebrate what the incredible women in our community are thinking, doing, and wearing. Inspired by Amara Haywood, this edition of The Look features earring stacks — from subtle studs to statement hoops. Advocate for body positivity, racial equality, and women's rights, Amara is one of our H&B style muses. She inspires us with her fashion sense, creative layering techniques, and use of personal style for embracing self-love and expression.
H&B: What's the key to a successful earring party? How do you layer your earrings?
My current jewellery style is everyday maximalist with simple gold pieces. I always start with my first holes, and decide what my “feature earring” will be – whether it’s a hoop, statement earrings or stud. My second holes usually takes a supporting role, and I look for different shapes, stones and metals that will complement my feature earring. My third hole is always the cherry on top. This earring is typically small and simple, but complements the two other pieces.
What's your go-to earring look?
As of right now, the charm hoops in gold with the pearl charm have been an everyday essential for me. The pearl is detachable, and the hoop alone is the perfect everyday gold hoop. You can pretty much always find my gold Clara Hoops in my second holes as they are an everyday staple.
From head (or ears) to toe, describe your ideal fall outfit.
My favourite part of dressing for fall is layering different textures. My ideal fall outfit would include a silky midi skirt, a graphic t-shirt (usually featuring one of my favourite bands), a knit cardigan, a leather jacket (in case I get too cold), paired with a pair of ankle boots. I love my accessories, and am usually wearing a headband or hat, and of course my favourite Hillberg & Berk pieces, which is currently the Beryl Herringbone Choker, Charm Hoops and the Petite Pearl Hoop Earrings.
What social cause are you most passionate about, and why?
Narrowing this question down was difficult, as I think we have all learned a lot about different social causes. 2020 was an eye-opening year for many people, myself included. But the core cause in my life has been the feminist movement. Growing up with strong women, it was always instilled in me to have a passion for female empowerment, which developed into a genuine interest in the social and political movement. Throughout my education in University, I was exposed to feminism which sparked my participation in community events as well as local and online activism. This grew into an interest in different branches of feminism and how they relate to my world, including the body positivity movement, racial equality and women’s rights.
What's your favourite thing about fall?
To put it simply – everything. Canada can have some crazy weather, but fall temperatures are always the most comfortable for me. The colours are amazing, and nature always puts on a show in the autumn months across the country. And of course, Halloween. In October you can always find movies like Beetlejuice playing in my house.
Any tips for feeling good in our own skin? What works for you?
I think as women we can be really critical of ourselves, but I believe feeling good in your own skin starts with self love. Self love can be really hard sometimes, but I truly believe that practicing being kind to yourself, and seeking out resources can help everyone become better at owning who we are. For me, I am really aware of the language I use when I am talking about myself, specifically my body and take time to reflect through different methods when I am being critical.
When do you feel most empowered?
I feel the most empowered when I am connecting with other women. I am lucky to be surrounded by such influential, and passionate women in my work life, friendships and family.
Not too long ago, Kirsten MacDonell was having a lunch meeting at Earl’s. She noticed her server—a woman in her early twenties—eavesdropping on her conversation, clearly interested in the words being exchanged over shared appies and salads. When Kirsten signed off on the bill, the server saw an opportunity to jump in. “Are you from YEG BOSS BABES?,” she asked, the same way you might ask a celebrity to confirm their identity.
“I am!” replied Kirsten.
“I love what you’re doing,” the server said. “Keep doing what you’re doing.”
For Kirsten, moments like this illuminate the true value of what she and YEG BOSS BABES co-founder, Kayla Kaliszuk, are doing. “It’s like, ooh, they’re into it,” says Kirsten. “Our work makes a mark in society, and we want to continue.”
When you think of a typical “networking event,” what comes to mind? Probably a lot of suits. Probably a large, nondescript conference space or ballroom full of business types, chatting stiffly about growth or returns or establishing a brand identity. Probably lots of grey. Lots of black. Lots of men.
This, at least, is the atmosphere Kirsten faced most often while working in sales for a large company.
“The networking stuff we went to was 95% men. There weren’t a lot of women attending,” she says. “And the feedback I was getting from coworkers was like, ‘I was so uncomfortable going to those events because I didn’t feel like I could relate to anybody.’”
Kirsten decided to create a space where networking wouldn’t be such an intimidating, dude-driven experience. As a “solopreneur” herself (Kirsten has her own photography business in addition to a sales job) she knew how hard it was to gather resources and grow a business without a support network. She texted a few friends, including Kayla, a fellow small business owner, and asked if they were interested in starting a wine club (a terrific way to generate interest). “We can go to each other’s houses, meet women who are doing similar things, and swap resources,” Kirsten said over the group text.
“Kirsten sent us a logo and we were like, ‘this is awesome, let’s do it!,’” says Kayla.
Fast forward a couple years and YEG BOSS BABES—the outcome of the wine club—is now a thriving business with over 139 members and 1700 email subscribers. Their mission? To connect women entrepreneurs with the resources and community they need to grow and thrive in business.
“I feel like more and more women are wanting the freedom to start their own business, but they don’t have friends or resources to lean on,” says Kayla.
That’s where YEG BOSS BABES (YBB) comes in. Led by Kirsten, Kayla, and additional co-founder Amy Bender, YBB hosts everything from vision board workshops to holiday mixers to seminars with award-winning women entrepreneurs—“yegsperts,” as they’re called. They also have a membership program. Perks include a space on the YBB directory page (a beautifully-designed online database of women-run businesses in Edmonton), event discounts, and professional headshots. “We find that professional photos really help elevate a business,” says Kayla.
Kayla and Kirsten run YBB with a distinct (and rare) lack of corporate stuffiness: it wouldn’t be uncommon to find a photobooth, cupcake tower, or gorgeous floral display at their events. They’re not afraid to be explicitly feminine in their branding and event curation because not only does it feel authentic to them, but it creates an atmosphere that women find appealing and welcoming. “The typical entrepreneur look has really changed and we’re happy to be trailblazers in that,” Kirsten says. “We can be professional but we can still be ourselves.”
“I didn’t used to like pink but now I’m obsessed with it!” laughs Kayla.
For Kayla and Kirsten, staying true to themselves also means staying at home to raise their families. That’s partly why running YEG BOSS BABES is such an ideal enterprise for them both: they can be mothers and entrepreneurs simultaneously. “Even before we had kids, it was our goal to be at home and raise our kids,” says Kayla. “I’m so supportive of people who go to their nine-to-fives and have that career but it’s not for me personally.”
Kirsten feels the same. “It’s all about taking control of your schedule for your family,” she says, adding that integrating your work life with your family life shouldn’t be seen as a gold standard for all women. “Don’t let society define what having it all is,” she says. “That’s how you get in trouble and burn out.”
“Yeah. Everyone has their own needs,” adds Kayla.
If Kirsten and Kayla seem in-sync professionally, you should see them as mothers. At the time of our interview, Kayla was weeks away from giving birth to her second child, while Kirsten had a two-week-old baby girl at home. “Before we started a business, that was the plan: to be pregnant together,” Kayla says.
But the reality of near-simultaneous pregnancies was a little daunting at first.
“It’s not that Kayla wasn’t excited to be pregnant at the same time as me,” says Kirsten. “But from a professional standpoint, she was like, ‘oh no, what are we going to do? We’re due two months apart! How will the business be affected?’”
To their surprise, their dual pregnancies affected the business positively, in part because the demands of (impending) motherhood meant passing along jobs to other women and hiring new people to help run YEG BOSS BABES. “I think if the pregnancies didn’t happen, we would have kept trying to do it all ourselves,” says Kayla.
“In order to grow a business, you do need to let go a bit.”
There have of course been personal benefits to growing—both in a physical and business sense—in tandem. “It’s one of the coolest things ever to walk through life at the same time with someone,” says Kirsten. “Especially as close friends, and especially professionally. We just get each other.”
Their lives may be closely entwined, but Kayla and Kirsten maintain separate, unique working lives outside the Boss Babes umbrella. Kirsten, for example, has a photography business. Her favourite niche is boudoir, which she loves for the unexpected, personal benefits it gives clients. “I love meeting all shapes and sizes of women and getting to know their journey with their body and self-confidence,” Kirsten says, adding that letting clients see the editing process is particularly inspiring. “Showing them unedited photos and showing them how beautiful they are is the point of boudoir for me. It’s empowering, really.”
Kayla has a creative side, too, which she puts to use in several family business ventures, including a soap-making business she co-created with her mom (Cherry Creek Soap Co) and her husband’s lifestyle brand, Flossy Bumz. But Kayla’s main focus right now is Boss Babes. “I have an entrepreneurial spirit. I like to start businesses, grow them, and then pass them off. I have a drive to be creative and busy.”
Boss Babes is growing fast—in members and visibility. Kirsten’s celebrity moment at Earl’s is one of several instances of public recognition, a sure sign she and Kayla have tapped into an underserved demographic—women in business. “We’re trying to set ourselves apart from what other companies do. So we’ll ask people, what types of workshops do you want to see? And we try to bring that to them,” Kayla says.
Paying attention to their community has also illuminated how strongly people, particularly women, are craving support networks that benefit them in an all-encompassing sense. “We recognize that entrepreneurs don’t just need professional assistance,” says Kirsten. “They need personal assistance, too, and so we provide mental wellness services and those types of events as well.” In other words, they’re refusing to view the Business Self as separate from the Emotional Self or the Mom Self or the Friend Self. All of these selves are integrated; all of the parts need to be healthy for the whole to function properly.
At the end of the day—or, more likely, in the wee hours of the morning—Kayla and Kirsten’s kids serve as their biggest motivational sources. “Now that I have a daughter, I just want to grow a community that looks exactly like what YEG BOSS BABES is growing,” Kirsten says, adding that it’s especially important to highlight this mission in online spaces like Instagram, where negativity often flourishes. “Putting something like Boss Babes out there into the universe—women supporting women in a genuine community—it’s really important. It’s the main drive.”
Meanwhile, Kayla is proving to be quite the role model for her son who, being integrated into her working life (he often accompanies her to meetings and sees her work from home), believes he is an entrepreneur himself. At age four.
“He thinks he sells houses!” Kayla laughs. “He’ll be like, oh yeah, I got a lot of work to do. A lot of people want a house today.”
“He gets to watch his mom be a bad-ass! Then he goes to work,” Kirsten says.
Kayla’s son’s real estate career offers solid proof that anyone can be a Boss Babe, if only they put their mind to it.
Writer: Mica LemiskiPhotos: Janelle Dudzic Photography & Nicole Constante Photography
Upon hearing her diagnosis, Deanna Ratzlaff began to argue with the radiologist. The idea that she had cancer was too far-fetched—it couldn’t be true. “I had a mammogram before and it was fine,” she said to the doctor, referring to the tests she’d undergone five years prior. Deanna had gone to the clinic that day for a routine appointment. She was 44. The mammogram was done out of responsibility as opposed to concern.
“Yes, well…” said the doctor, showing her a set of pictures. “This is that mammogram, and this is this mammogram.” The images were completely different. One showed a healthy set of breasts. The other showed multiple lumps—breast cancer. They diagnosed her on the spot.
“I always call that moment my hijacking,” says Deanna, now 48. “Because, at that point, life as you know it is totally changed.” Amplifying Deanna’s shock that day was the fact that she did not feel sick at all. “I was feeling amazing. I had been going to the gym five days a week, I had a trainer, and I was eating well.”
Six weeks later she underwent a double mastectomy. “It seems like once you’re diagnosed with breast cancer, everything goes on high speed.” She adds that information overload and a barrage of unfamiliar medical terminology made it easy to slip into “yes mode”—agreeing to procedures and treatments without questioning them because you don’t know what other options exist. As a medical lab technician, Deanna was equipped to absorb and understand more information than the average patient, but she still found herself making life-changing decisions at a very fast pace.
One such decision was to have her breasts reconstructed immediately after her mastectomy, an option she chose over prosthetics, “going flat,” or reconstruction at a later date. Her choice to have her breasts reconstructed wasn’t some profound gesture to reclaim an important part of herself. “I actually didn’t love my breasts,” she says, explaining that she chose immediate reconstruction for practical reasons: it would save her from the hassle of prosthetics as well as a potential future surgery. “And I never would have been comfortable with going flat,” she says. “I know lots of women are, but I always say I’m too vain.”
In this case, “vanity” could just as easily be called self-awareness. Deanna didn’t want to live her life without breasts. She wanted to be able to fit into women’s clothes, the way she always had. She wanted to feel pretty. Vanity, under certain circumstances, can actually be empowering.
As Deanna continued her post-surgery treatment—undergoing chemotherapy and navigating a circus of medical appointments—she began to look for a peer support group with whom she could discuss her experiences, exchange information, and share coping strategies. There was no such thing—at least not in Saskatoon. And so along with three women she’d met at a Skills For Healing cancer seminar, Deanna founded (and continues to facilitate) Breast Cancer Support Saskatoon, a peer led support group that provides people diagnosed with breast cancer an opportunity to meet and discuss what they’re going through. “It’s worked amazingly well to bring support and information to other women,” Deanna says. “It’s been a source of healing for me as well. Being able to share with people who get it.”
That’s the thing about breast cancer: not everyone “gets it.” We may understand cancer as a horrible, life-altering disease, but only personal experience can bring a true understanding of how the illness uniquely terrorizes the mind and body. That’s in part why peer groups like BCSS are so important: they allow members to access community through shared experience, helping to relieve the sense of isolation brought on traumatic experiences—feeling like a foreigner in your own body, for example. “You look at pictures of yourself before you were diagnosed and you don’t even recognize that person anymore. But you also don’t recognize the person you are in the current moment. You wonder, who am I?”
Losing pieces of yourself, both literally and figuratively, is an experience common to all breast cancer patients. “When you go through surgery, you lose your breasts and then you heal from that, and then you go through chemo and you lose even more.” Your hair. Your energy. Your ability to go to work. It can make a person feel utterly powerless, so much so that owning labels like “brave” or “strong” becomes difficult. “Everybody tells you have brave you are, saying things like, ‘oh you’re such a warrior.’ But you have no choice but to be brave. And you don’t really realize how strong you have to be until you’re thrown into that situation.”
But what does strength actually look like when you’re sick? For Deanna, strength meant getting up everyday and applying her make-up. To look beautiful when she felt like crap was to take her power back, one brush stroke at a time. “I made myself look pretty just so I could actually feel pretty again,” she says.
Tattooing her breasts was another way Deanna took back control amidst uncontrollable circumstances. “I just knew I didn’t want to look at my scars all the time,” she says. She began to browse different artists and their tattoos. She fell in love with florals. “I thought, wow, if I could have these tattoos and not see my scars anymore, it would be amazing.” And so now, instead of scars, Deanna sees beautiful flowers. “I always said I would never get breast implants and I never would get tattoos…and now I have both!” she laughs.
Another thing she likely didn’t predict doing? Modelling topless. In 2016, Deanna helped bring an initiative of the Canadian Cancer Society called BRA Day (Breast Reconstruction Awareness Day) to Saskatoon. The event occurs every October in cities across Canada—now including Saskatoon, thanks to Deanna and her team—and provides breast cancer survivors and previvors with space and time to discuss reconstructive options with leading surgeons and plastic surgeons. One of the highlights of the event is the Show and Tell Lounge, where live volunteers display the results of their breast reconstructions. Deanna was one such model in 2016. The experience was a milestone. “I finally felt pretty again. It was like, this is me.” She adds that many BRA Day participants initially deemed her tattoos “pretty, but not for me.” But after these participants completed their walk through the showroom, they’d often come back and ask Deanna,“who did your tattoos?”
In showcasing herself that day, Deanna was showcasing options, providing knowledge. Giving power back. Standing shirtless, she exemplified that beauty was still possible amidst illness.
Although Deanna presently has what doctors call “no evidence of disease,” it turns out that “cancer free” is a bit of a fallacy. “Once you have gone through breast cancer, you’re looking over your shoulder every single day wondering when it’s going to come back. I’m essentially cancer free but how do you really know?”
This sense of not-knowing has given Deanna a new appreciation for her everyday life. “I don’t ever wish that I’d had cancer, but I am a better person now that I have gone through it,” she says, adding that she’s a more compassionate person since becoming sick. “I feel a lot more love than I used to, especially for others who are struggling. It’s not up to me to judge anybody. It’s up to me to love and accept them exactly as they are.”
But sometimes the toughest person to accept is yourself. “It’s a struggle. You fight to get back to [your level of fitness] but trying to accept yourself is a process.” She adds that having the motivation to do things she once loved—going to the gym, say—is especially tricky. “It’s so difficult because you still remember what your body was like before cancer, and what you were able to do before cancer, and so you kind of beat yourself up because you’re not at that spot.”
Yoga and meditation have helped Deanna avoid a self-criticism spiral. “These practices have really helped centre me.” They’ve also led to an increased sense of gratitude: “I try to remember that when I’m having a bad day now, it’s just a bad day. I get to go home and start over tomorrow. I always say: a bad day of work is still better than a good day of chemo.”
Perhaps the best advice of all? Talk to yourself like a friend. “I always say to people—give yourself the same advice you’d give to a best friend going through the same thing. Once you start talking to yourself in the same way, your perspective shifts. You’re kinder to yourself.”
Writer: Mica LemiskiPhotos: Nancy Newby Photography and Tonya Wanner Photography
In today’s modern society, we’re exposed to more misconceptions about health, fitness, and body image than ever before. Our increased reliance on the media has further perpetuated these unrealistic and often artificial standards, creating an enormous level of pressure. It seems as though every time we check our phones, turn on the TV, open a magazine, or even walk down the street, we’re ambushed by one consistent message: You’re not good enough.
Marci Warhaft is fed up with the damaging effects of this negative messaging. After spending decades of her life battling an eating disorder, she decided it was time to take her power back. Now she’s on a mission to pull back the curtain on society’s biggest ruse and empower others to feel confident in their own skin.
“It’s become so normal for us to speak negatively about ourselves that we don’t see it as a serious problem. Eating disorders are a HUGE problem. I lived with mine for 20 years, and it almost killed me several times.”
Speaking to a group of grade 10 and 11 boys, Warhaft displayed seven photos of male bodybuilders. She asked the boys what they thought the men in the photos had in common. They suggested characteristics such as being tanned and muscular. Warhaft explained to the group, “All of these men won professional bodybuilding tournaments. And all of them are dead. They all died from what it took to look like this because what they were doing was detrimental to their health.”
Body positivity is an important issue to me, so I thought I was well-versed on the subject. However, after five minutes of speaking with Warhaft, I was startled by my own ignorance. I had no idea that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses. What’s more, eating disorders do not discriminate—they affect individuals regardless of age, gender, race, or social circumstance. “It’s become so normal for us to speak negatively about ourselves that we don’t see it as a serious problem. Eating disorders are a HUGE problem. I lived with mine for 20 years, and it almost killed me several times. It killed my soul several times. And it’s insidious because it gets masked by all the diet mentality out there.”
Growing up, Warhaft was very close to her older brother. When she was 17 years old, he became ill and passed away. While she was still grieving the life-changing loss, an irresponsible doctor harshly berated her about her weight. As a healthy teenager, she was told that she needed to lose 10 pounds to fit into society. Paired with the pain of losing her brother, the experience initiated a downward spiral that ultimately led to the development of her eating disorder.
“I looked exactly how I thought I was supposed to. I was a mom of two, I didn’t have an ounce of fat on me, and I had all the muscle that I wanted. But physically, emotionally, spiritually – I was sicker than ever.”
In articles she’s published, Warhaft has shared fitness photos from her 30s. Seeing the photos for the first time, I thought, “Wow, she looks great.” The pictures look just like what you would see if you searched ‘Fitspo’ or ‘Fitspiration’ on any social media platform. However, when Warhaft sees the photos now, they just make her sad. “[At the time], my kids were 6 and 3. We would go out to a restaurant and they would ask, ‘Mommy, are you eating today, or just watching?” At restaurants, Warhaft would either pack a container with some chicken and a baked potato or choose not to eat entirely. She nearly fainted while attending an event at her kids’ school. Seeing images of people eating or drinking on TV would make her salivate. She would wake up at 3 am to fit in time for the gym. She stopped menstruating for over a year. “I looked exactly how I thought I was supposed to. I was a mom of two, I didn’t have an ounce of fat on me, and I had all the muscle that I wanted. But physically, emotionally, spiritually – I was sicker than ever.”
“[At the time], my kids were 6 and 3. We would go out to a restaurant and they would ask, ‘Mommy, are you eating today, or just watching?”
Eventually, Warhaft went into recovery for her eating disorder. After she came out of recovery, she stepped back from the fitness industry to take a hard look at what she wanted, and what would be healthy for her in the long run. Now, she exercises because she loves it, and she approaches nutrition with a perspective of healthy, balanced moderation. She loves chocolate truffles and enjoys them on a regular basis.
Concerned about the dangerous messages and myths around health and fitness, Warhaft started Fit vs Fiction. She speaks in schools, has done several TV appearances, and even wrote a book for parents with advice on how to help children develop healthy self-confidence. She hopes these positive, empowering messages will enable young individuals to develop into who they want to be, rather than who they think they’re supposed to be.
When I ask about ways to overcome all the negative conditioning out there, Warhaft has some powerful advice. “Social media can be very damaging, constantly bombarding us to ‘be better’. And it’s hidden—packaged in this ‘I want you to feel better, so I can give you what you need to lose weight, to have better skin, to look younger, because I care.’ It’s still saying, ‘you’re not good enough’, but the message seems so nice and it sneaks past our defences.” She advises unfollowing accounts that bring on these negative feelings of inadequacy and instead seek out accounts that celebrate things that make you feel good. She also advocates for being aware of self-talk, keeping it positive. “Focus on what makes you feel good. I dance every morning. It’s something I love and makes me feel great!” She recently moved, and having space to dance was a key factor in deciding on a new place.
“It took me so long to feel comfortable just being myself. I want everyone to be able to live in the freedom of being who they are. It would be amazing to see the advancement that the world could take in every aspect – arts, science, everything! If we can live in the freedom of empowerment, the possibilities are endless.”
Warhaft uses her sassy, to-the-point demeanour to correct dangerous misconceptions of health, fitness, and society’s standards of beauty. Though her life has had its ups and downs, she credits her challenges with making her the woman she is today. “Everything I’ve gone through makes me stronger. I’ve fallen a lot in my life. There have been times when I had to crawl for a while before I could get up. Now, I see it as a hole in the ground, but there’s a trampoline at the bottom. When I fall, I bounce back! I still have my spark, I still have me.” Being genuine is very important to Warhaft. She knows that no one is happy and confident every single day, and she understands that that’s okay. “Having been hurt, having struggled, I think the more real you are about it makes it easier to connect with people.”
What does empowerment mean to her? “For me, it’s freedom. It took me so long to feel comfortable just being myself. I want everyone to be able to live in the freedom of being who they are. It would be amazing to see the advancement that the world could take in every aspect – arts, science, everything! If we can live in the freedom of empowerment, the possibilities are endless.”
For a long time, the pressure of society’s unrealistic standards of beauty trapped Warhaft in a vicious cycle. Thankfully, she received the help she needed and realized her own courage to stand up and say, “No more.” Today, she continues to reach as many people as she can – men, women, teens, and children – using her vibrant spark to light the way to a healthier life.
Writing: Stacy McIntosh
Images: Supplied
